Taking the train home

As those of you who know me probably know, although I have the Dewey Decimal system memorized and can tickle the ivories like nobody's business, when it comes to basic life skills, such as grocery shopping or talking to strangers, I'm pretty much useless. Oh well, people say. That's what new experiences are about, people say. You don't have to wait in line, the train is going to leave without you, kind strangers say as they run up to me where I am standing stupidly at the kiosk.

I took the train by myself, which was an experience. Among other things, I nearly missed the bus because of a water bottle disaster and SEVERAL people asked me if I had ever taken a train before. My chosen response was one of indignation: "Not by myself!!" Don't ask me if I've ever taken a train before! Just tell me where the damn button is so I can open the door and get off this glorified bus!

So! Since this blog is called, "Emily Does College" and is about what I'm learning in college,

THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT TAKING A TRAIN
1) Call a car service. Do not try to take a bus to the train station, particularly if, as in Tacoma, the bus drops you across the street from the station, but the street is a highway, with no crosswalks.

2) Look around and try and figure out who is going to be on the train with you. Thankfully the train is less likely to have creepers than the bus, but I bet they're there even if I didn't see any.

3) When they say the train is coming in, don't sit around waiting for everyone to get up and go on the train. Get the hell out there and get on the train so that the conductor doesn't see you booking it towards the business class door and be all, "Coach class urchin! Get thee to the left!"

3 prime) I would recommend, if a lot of people are taking business class, to sieze the back of someone's coat and sneak on in. When they come to take your tickets, pretend to be asleep. If you're small like me you may even be able to get into someone's carryon.

4) Don't think the person sitting next to you isn't judging what you're reading or listening to on your iPod. I was.

5) Never be a train conductor. You will go mad with power and make passive-aggressive announcements over the intercom over how Amtrak now has trash cans in the bathrooms and so if you want to take a leak, please let's "all pitch in" and put the used paper towels there. All that made me want to do was not see the bathrooms.

And there's five and a half useful tips for taking the train. Happy Thanksgiving!